I wish I could’ve been Van Damme.

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Not Van Damme the film star but Van Damme in the Volvo commercial.

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Composed and powerful between the two massive masses. I dreamed of being the one who could be the bridge between the two alien cultures.

Not anymore.

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Can You Split Between Japanese and English?

Maybe. From the rosy bilingualism perspective I subscribed to once, I should’ve been able to integrate the two contradictory cultures into a single identity. But what I found was that your worldview through the lens of American culture will inevitably set you up AGAINST your success in Japanese working culture.

Japan has so much to offer to travelers. So much so that you could end up feeling like wanting to stay longer. If that’s the case, consider working remotely with folks from your own country, so that you can enjoy the best of both worlds. But, I emphasize, getting a job at a Japanese company in Japan is a risky choice for an expat with fluency in English.

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So, You Still Want to Work For a Japanese Company?

Then, you must watch The Stanford Prison Experiment before you come here. Also, please leave your “CT hat” at home because Japan is a proud “Critical Thinking Free Zone.” I learned it in a hard way, of course.

Back in the Pre-COVID days, I found an e-commerce startup in the travel industry. They had just launched an English-version of their site. They needed a designer who could build user experience for international audiences. Interesting! Their hotshot CFO was pitching hard too.

We are growing like crazy! We are buying up smaller operators everywhere in Asia! The total addressable market is in billions! Woohoo!

Then, the people. The vibe was incredible! Most of the guys were in their 20s and they seemed friendly, smart, and lovers of travel. This is freakin’ awesome! I was in looooove! I thought those people who talk shit about Japanese companies are complete idiots! Sayonara to stupid racists! Yookoso, my new startup Tomodachi!

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When the Honeymoon Period Ends

I didn’t mind their terrible website at all. My mission was to improve that. By this time, I already knew that clearly stating where to improve is a terrible idea. Oddly, I learned that from pissing off a Moroccan designer who turned 120% Japanese through his long residency in Japan. He had a stereotypical unproductive Japanese management style and I was dumb enough to make a suggestion. I wasn’t going to screw up again. I already had various action items for them but I tried to be patient.

For example, their communication on the site was not only confusing but deceptive and inappropriate. I didn’t want to offend anyone so I asked around. They said some outside company they don’t know translated the site so it’s OK to make a suggestion. Really? Yes, really, so tell us how we can improve, they insisted. All right then. I gave it to my teammates everything I got to turn around the decimal conversion rate from the website. They seemed impressed enough. Phew. Then when it came to implementing the changes, entered a “Special Project Manager.” Wait, guys, who’s that? I thought you guys managed the site?

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This IS Teamwork

Fast forward a few weeks, I was let go by the “Special Project” guy. It seemed nobody actually owned anything here. I didn’t know how the guy with an unclear job description had so much sway in the project. Confusing copywriting. Dysfunctional payment system. None of them mattered because it turned out it was his pet project. My teammates either didn’t know or they kept it quiet hoping that I, as a new crazy who-knows-where-he's-from UX designer guy, would take the heat to convince the boneheaded manager. I don’t know.

After the incident, my ever-pleasant teammates told me that I crushed the manager’s “face.” Sure, thanks for the feedback. One of them DMed me later “we were on a sinking ship but couldn’t do anything about it.” Whatever dude. He was already a permanent employee and had nothing to prove. Me? I had to do everything I could to prove myself to the team and to the company. So, I blew the whistle. And got thrown out. Maybe if my Japanese language AND cultural skill were better, I could’ve remained on board. But, no. I was too Americanized to remain silent and obedient.

Speak a 2nd Language and Change Your Mindset!

In How speaking a 2nd language can change your mindset — and help your career, the contributor Marinova said, “speaking in multiple languages can help you see there’s always more than one way to think.” I agree with her 100% because sadly, that’s exactly why I got in trouble. You are NOT supposed to see it in any other way! I find it ironic that they brought me on board to give them another perspective. The manager told me to “translate” their travel articles. I told them that a translation would not help the bottom line at all because the original article was crap. If we were to engage with English-speaking tourists, we need to overhaul the communication strategy.

I was wrong.

I’m reminded of the common thread of Hollywood films. A senior member of an organization giving a tough lesson to his subordinate: When I say jump, your response should be “How high sir?” Indeed, it seems that’s what it takes to be the winner of the game. Not in Japan. If you’d asked “How high sir?” you’d be considered f***ing moron. You were supposed to KNOW that already and you should’ve jumped already with your squad. “How the hell am I supposed to know that?” you might ask. Well, if you were here long enough, you’d know how others in the company would behave. So, if you are fresh off the boarding bridge to Japan, you’re kinda outta luck. And if you really have the true cultural competency to work in Japan, the thought of questioning authority (benign or hostile) would never cross your mind (or you’d throw yourself in front of a train in the Monday morning.).

When in Tokyo, Do as Tokyoids Do

For a while, I tried to adapt. I didn’t want to be a complete jackass against my own people. C’mon, Japan is a nice place. People are kind. We have a healthcare system that works. Be patient like Jiro. Forget the American authenticity crap. You’ve got to pay the bills! Alas, my self pep-talk didn’t work. By now, I can officially declare my failure to become a responsible member of Japan Inc.

I'm bilingual all right, but I’m not quite as bicultural as I aspired to be.

I made a choice. I had to. I chose to let go of the option of working with Japanese. Living in Japan, I am surrounded by them. I can even completely blend in by the way I look. Yet, I never felt so distant from my native culture. Compared to those real refugees you see in the news, I know I’m spoiled as hell. But my identity as Japanese once I thought as an inalienable status is no longer holding up. I can’t Van Damme anymore.

Torn, But Not Alone

I’m now trying to open my door and find my identity as an expat designer. At the same time, I am shedding my Japanese past.

What is the word that captures the sense of loss that I’m feeling?

What is the exact word that describes my melancholy and longing for a new place to belong?

According to Richard R. Powell,  there is a Japanese philosophy that “nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”

I’m ready to embrace it now.

I’m ready to embrace my spirit of “wabi-sabi.”