Quick! Find out the reason you’re having a hard time writing.

The reason I can’t write is…

A. I’ve got a writer’s block.

B. I don’t have enough time to write.

C. My writing skill is poor.

D. I’m not feeling the inspiration.

E. All of the above.

If you are like me, who is trying to develop a successful writing habit, you would’ve probably picked “E. All of the above.” Well, sorry, my friend. I think you are incorrect here. Let me tell you why by backtracking a little bit through my own recent struggle into the writing journey.

Like me, I’m sure you enjoy reading. You might not be reading 100 books a month but I’m sure you have a favorite genre/author and you don’t mind composing a thoughtful email from time to time. But when it comes to writing an online article to be published every week, for example, that’s a completely different story. 

Just like having more money or being in better shape, writing online has tremendous benefits. Many successful individuals recommend writing for both professional and personal reasons. I have no objections there. I wholeheartedly agree. In fact, that’s how I got started. 

But it’s not easy. At all. 

Monetary reward. Promotion. Meeting smart and interesting people. I know those hanging carrots that the writing would bring to my life. Sounds so sexy and enticing. But the actual process of writing just sucks so much. 

I don’t know why I can’t write. Is it the notorious writer’s block? No, it’s too vague. Not worth my time to dig deeper. What about the lack of time? Nonsense. Everyone has 24 hours only. Yet, those great writers somehow manage to do the impossible. Oh, maybe it’s my lack of skills. But those writers in the spotlight often say that if you know how to read and write, which I can, you should be able to write. True, but… And there are plenty of writers who are not English majors who happen to be brilliant writers as well. I guess I’m not inspired enough then. But I’m pretty sure most writers are not protagonists of epic adventurers or heirs of rich and famous. 

Having exhausted my options of excuses outside, I had to begin looking inside. No more blaming on external causes. It was time to take a deep breath and dive in. 

I’ve been running in a cycle. A vicious cycle of writing and not writing.

1. I read and get inspired to write.
2. I write and feel my writing is inadequate.
3. I try to improve it by reading from great writers but I feel even more insecure and stop writing.
4. But I still enjoy reading very much and there is so much good stuff to read! (Go back to 1)

I observed a couple of things—I do write but I don’t publish. 

Why? That’s because I feel insecure. 

What is the cause of my insecurity? It’s the E-word: Ego. 

The culprit happens to be me! My ego is my enemy. My ego is generating all kinds of fear responses that are holding me back. The big progress here is that I can now admit that I AM afraid of writing. What am I afraid of? Let’s unpack the package of my fears one by one.

Fear 1: I’m afraid that I can’t write as well as others.

It’s been hard, but once I said it I’m feeling much better now. I didn’t want to admit it for a long time, so the fear has been unconsciously censored for years. 

When I read the works of other writers, I couldn’t stop comparing them. There was no way around. And it often leads to a sense of inadequacy. My writing is not even close to those accomplished writers. But to ward off the nasty feeling, I had to pretend that I was not afraid. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t fool my ego. My ego knew everything all along. So, my ever-helpful ego helped me cover the track by making me feel unsure about publishing under the legitimate pretext of “trying to refine” the writing. As long as I don’t publish it online, nobody can judge me. And if I don’t finish it to the end, then, it’s still a work in progress. It’s too early to be evaluated. That’s how I always left incomplete pieces of writing buried somewhere on my laptop. 

Mission accomplished. My ego remained intact. 

But it’s time for me to get real.

I can honestly admit that I am a writer with a weak writing habit. The upside is that now I can start from the appropriate tasks and expectations. 

When I was deceiving myself, I was trying to perform Olympics-level acrobatics in writing even though I couldn’t do a single pushup. I don’t know what I was thinking but the truth is that I shouldn’t expect myself to be able to write like best-selling authors and famous professional bloggers just because I know how to read and write. 

My physical conditioning routine helped me realize this. I began my pushup line of exercise by pushing against the wall standing. That was almost two years ago. I then moved on to an inclined version of pushup and another kind with knees on the ground. It took me a few months just to reach the step with a regular full pushup exercise. I am still aiming toward one-arm pushup now and I have no idea how long it would take me to achieve the goal. But I’m fine with that. 

I know I am making a tiny progress every time I put in my work. Building a functional writing habit is no different. I no longer expect writing to be an idyllic hobby to entertain my ego. I fully expect writing to be a serious physical exercise requiring endurance and empathy.

Fear 2: I am afraid others would think I am stupid.

Now that I have accepted my real writing ability, I can start writing from an appropriate level. But still, I can’t switch off my ego. My ego is saying that I don’t want to look stupid by writing like how I’d really talk and write. That would be really embarrassing. I need to use respectable professional jargon and lyrical proses to show off how smart I am. After all, I am writing toward the big goal of my professional and personal success. I need to do my best and give everything I’ve got. It doesn’t make sense to advertise how illiterate I am to my potential customers and future business partners. 

I have to admit that my ego is pretty smart though. And when my ego is in charge, it’s time to bring in another E-word to calm him down: Empathy.

When my ego is afraid, I need to listen to him first. Show some empathy here. And then I can point out one fact. There exists a very empathetic person called Donald Trump (or any other controversial figure of your choice). OK, he may not be known as the most empathetic person around but the fact remains: He exists with many supporters (and haters). 

This is to show the simple truth that everyone has his/her audience no matter what. Some have a lot more than others but I know for sure that he has his followers. Granted, I don’t follow every tweet of his and I have no interest in keeping up with every statement he makes. But after everything he has said and done, he still has his followers. 

Well then, if he could say all the things that many find totally ridiculous, what would be the likelihood of somebody finding me just as stupid (or smart)? I know the President and I are living in a completely different world, but after reminding myself that everyone has a unique audience, I am feeling a lot less scared now. Nothing is going to happen to me because people have as little interest in my life as I have in the life of others. I guess people are too busy worrying about themselves, as I have always been. Until now.

It's time to wrap it up. 

It was not out of laziness or lack of reading habits that put me on hold from writing as much as I wanted. It was just my ego working with diligence, protecting me from hurting myself. I know he’s been working hard out of goodwill but sometimes, he got out of hand by worrying about things I have no control over—if I’m a “good” writer or not, or what others think of me. 

But now, I know I gotta do what I gotta do. What others think is irrelevant. And so, my ego is not my enemy anymore. Actually, because I’ve had this struggle, I can write about it. In that sense, my ego is my friend now. We know that there is not much fun to a story without a formidable foe. It looks like I’m lucky enough to have had the good friendly foe all along. Happy writing!